Tenant: My internet is out what do I do.
Me: Ummm Call your internet provider and not your landlord
New tenant: Before I move in I need to know what will happen in case the building burns down or explodes, how will i be compensated.
Me: (laughing) I'm sorry did you say Explode????
Tenant: Yes, this is not a laughing matter miss.
Me: I'm sorry. I suggest you get renters insurance because if the building explodes I cant help you protect your belongings.
New Tenant:(same as above) Our parents dont know we will be living together so if they call can you not mention my girlfriend.
Me: Yes I will be discreet if they ask me if you are living in sin. (Again thinking he is joking I laugh)
Tenants GF: Mam this is very serious to us, I'm in seminiary and could get in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out we are living....... in sin (About to cry)
Me: Just make sure you dont get pregnant and I doubt they would ever know (big smile....no giggles from the audience, this is a tough crowd).
Tenant: Why am I being charged $120 for plumbing?
Me: Becuase the plumber found dental floss in your sink
Tenant: Do you want me to stop flossing my teeth??
Me: No sir, I want you to put the used floss in the trash can and not the sink drain
Tenants mother: It is very important that her windows are sealed shut
Me: I can not do that becuase it is against fire code
mom: What fire codes? If there is a fire she isnt going to jump out of the window
Me: Ma'am it doesnt matter what she WILL do, its what could happen and I have to obey the law
Mom: Well what if someone tries to break in her apartment through the window.
Me: Ma'am she is on the second floor with no balcony, I dont think anyone will scale the wall
Tenant: We need a new bathtub
Me: Why
Tenant: Because I dont fit in the current one
Me: Then I suggest you take showers instead of baths.
