My life as a Property Manager

After starting a career in construction management and Historic Preservation, karma smacked me across the face and I was unemployed for 3 months last summer. A good friend introduced me to his dad who owns a property management company here in Savannah. I'm about to complete my first year there and I've seen and heard some crazy things. I wanted to share a few that I have to just laugh at because my job when it comes down to it can be ridiculous sometimes.

I have a tenant who is a hoarder. Yes, as in she should be on that tv show. I havent taken a photo of the inside of her apartment but here is an idea .

Yes its about that bad. She is an older lady, maybe in her 60s and apparently she used to be a topless dancer. I dont know much about her because she spits a little when she talks and doesnt have a phone so I try to avoid direct contact all together. I see her all the time walking around downtown Savannah drinking a red bull.

I am also the self proclaimed welcome committee for all things cool here. As long as I can remember I would take the new kid in school under my wing and show them the ropes. I love when someone close to my age moves here for the first time and knows nothing. I show them all the cool bars and restaurants and tell them what types of people hang out where. Hopefully I'm actually as cool as I think I am.

When dealing with students I also get to deal with crazy parents. I get Dads who think my job is to take their money and screw their kids out of it. I have many moms who call me worried about where their little baby is going to live. Mom doesnt know that I found a bong in baby's living room and she got in trouble for stopping up her toilet with condoms because she wasnt aware they werent flushable, yea that happens a lot believe it or not.

So here is my list of things that I go over whenever I move someone in because people have done them all:
- Condoms are not flushable
- If your heat isnt working make sure you have had the gas hooked up
- Dishwasher liquid is the only thing to be used in the dishwasher, liquid soap will ruin it
- if you wash your bong in the dishwasher make sure it doesnt break, the glass can ruin it
- please dont puke in the bushes the day before the landscapers come
- Kindly dont have sex on your very old and rickety balcony, you could fall through (they werent hurt)
- If you are going to open your windows dont call me when you get a wasp/bee/fly in your house
- the best way to keep rats/roaches from getting in your house is to clean up food debris
- please dont leave candles burning on top of your cable box, this WILL start a fire
- Please dont have sex in the elevator of your building when 80% of your neighbors are old enough to be your parents
- This property is not to be used as a methlab, coke den, whore house, or art studio
- Please do not allow couch surfers or vacation exchanges at this property
- Graffitti in your apartment must be painted over before you vacate
- please make sure you are fully clothed when I come over for an inspection or with a colleague (unless you are an attractive male coed who has nice abs)
- and please for God's sake. DO NO MA'M me!!!